High Functioning Anxiety



I realized with all my physical problems this is also what I grapple with. One of my coworkers often says "How can you be such a strong person and do so much and fight so hard for so many others and yet when our boss comes at you and you know she is wrong you don't speak up for yourself?" This is why. My fear of making a mistake, it overwhelms me to a point of being paralyzed. I think what I went through as a child with my father being a firm disciplinarian has made me back down from authority even if I know I am right. More when it is in a job situation because while I am not fond of how my job has changed and the insane amount of things I am responsible for, I know I need to keep it. 

I also suffer with depression to the point of wanting to die at times. Recently had a scare about not having health insurance and seriously contemplated it. When you have underlying serious health issues, not having insurance or not having adequate insurance, having insanely high copays, or deductibles makes your life a constant living hell. You debate whether you go to see the doctor, pick up your meds, or eat, have gas in the car to go to the job that provides your insurance, pay bills that keep a roof over your head and the heat and lights on. This is a constant merry go round for many of us. And for those with serious long term health issues, it is one that wears us down as much or more than the disease we are dealing with.

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