First Week with Just the Oldest

The past 3 weeks have been crazy. I have moved both twins in to their respective colleges and this past week has been the first with just the Oldest and I in the house. I have been getting viscous injections in my knees to try to deal with the severe osteoarthritis in hopes to postpone total knee replacements. 

I have been going through hell with my tumor, there have been several days where it feels like my lung is getting crushed and my ribs are being broken by being pushed out. I have been on Meloxicam and Gabapentin for about a month. The meds have helped with some of the nerve pain but I have days where I can still feel like my muscles are being torn apart, from the bottom of the tumor to my belly button. Sleeping is difficult lately, I have the entire bed and yet I can't seem to stay asleep and find it painful in almost any position. I am tired of feeling like this, I am tired of being worn out by simple things, and mainly I am tired, period.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Dealing with the Government

So I had to go through a disability evaluation for my MassHealth and they have determined I am not disabled enough to continue getting MassHealth. I am now without any health insurance. I have placed a request to get a call back so I can see what options are now open to me since I can't enroll in the health insurance at work right now, nor do I want to to be honest, it is the WORST insurance plan and unbelievably expensive. Due to this stress I have had nightmares all night, and woke up with an upset stomach. Got out of bed to find my "good" knee is swollen a bit and giving out a bit as I walk. Yeah. The day is going to be a long one if this continues. I hope to all the gods that I can afford to get insurance through the Health Connector quickly if need be since I need to get my gel injections in my knees and do my follow ups at Dana Farber for my tumor.  I want to cry because the stress is so much today. I don't want to go to work but I know I need to power throu...
Read more

To Date or not to Date

I have been single for quite awhile now. I have dated here and there, had a short relationship that ended 4 years ago. I have wondered whether or not it is fair to anyone at this point to start a relationship given my health issues. Not knowing if I will be starting any sort of chemo or radiation therapy next month if my tumor has grown. Both of those come with side effects which could range from mild to severe. Whether I get in on a clinical trial which will also come with possible side effects. Is it fair to ask of a new relationship to go through all of that? I have come to the conclusion for me that it doesn't seem fair to ask that.  I am concerned about doing it alone but have made it this far and figure I can go through this on my own with the support of my family. It is not the same as having an intimate partner, but I will make this work. I do feel lonely at times, wishing I had a partner to come home to, who will message me and say "I love you, and it will be ok...
Read more

The lesser talked about side effects

So the lesser talked about side effects. First one is exhaustion, after awhile you don't know if it is from the lingering pain or the pain killers. But it is permanent. Some days when the pain killers that you take on a daily basis aren't enough, you go to the back up one, but you are already tired out from the dealing with the pain that hasn't been quieted so to get sleep you take the opioid or cbd or whatever you are trying to get relief. You don't want to get up the next day because if you took the opioid you are groggy, you are worn down from the day before still and really just want to take a day to recoup. The other less talked about side effect, gastroenterology issues. And by that I mean everything from nausea, heart burn and vomiting to diarrhea, gas, cramps and constipation. Depending on the meds you are taking, pain control meds, chemo either as infusions or oral tablets, and sometimes radiation therapy will all have their own lovely fun to add. Usually the...
Read more